What to Do When Nothing Makes Sense
Praying in the wake of a tragedy like Paris may be self-soothing, but does it get us anywhere? And is there something we can do about it?
The shock became horror and, a few hours later, the horror turned into deep sadness. Then came anger. Quickly followed by a deep sense of hopelessness. I struggled to make sense of something that felt so overwhelmingly senseless.
A downed passenger plane in Egypt, suicide bombings in Lebanon and France, and mass shootings in Paris. We live in a world where all these things happened in the span of a week. Accepting that is difficult. At a time like this, where does one turn? Where does one even begin?
Even some who are normally pretty secular find themselves turning to a higher power for some sliver of comfort. And that is exactly what happened. #PrayForParis was trending worldwide, and — through it — people from all over the world expressed solidarity. It was a way for us to feel human after something so barbaric. Being united at a time like this can make us feel, at least momentarily, that maybe there is some hope after all.
But what happens when the hashtags stop trending? To many of us, prayer seems like the best — if not the only sensible — option. We’ve already seen the despicable things humans are capable of, so perhaps it is best to let someone (or something) much wiser, smarter and stronger than us fix what we’ve broken. It feels good to place our faith in capable hands. But is that all we can do?
Prayer can do amazing things. It can offer a beacon of hope when it is in such short supply, and that is no little task. While the merits of prayer depend on one’s spiritual affiliations, the way I see it, there is no downside to it unless… and this is a big one… praying makes you feel like your job is done.
Let me back up a bit and tell you about, what is by now, a very familiar cycle. Each time an act of barbarism happens in a place that is near and dear to us, we are first shocked, horrified and outraged. Then as we are inundated with information, opinions and half-truths, our brains go into overdrive trying to dissect everything.
How can we make sure this does not happen where we live? Whom can we be angry at and whom can we blame? How can we feel safe in a world that is anything but? This is the moment the united face we had put on barely twenty-four hours ago begins to crumble.
We feel like we need to express all that has been bubbling up and so we go online. To share, to vent, to (try to) inform and to do our little part. We post on our Facebooks, Twitters and Instagrams. We argue, we fight and we call each other names.
Politicians propose measures that, they say, will help keep us safe. Some of us agree and some of us don’t. We yell even louder. As servers get clogged with our collective vitriol, we begin to make some poor decisions. We let fear get the best of us.
Not everyone gives into the fear. To the more rational among us, the hate-mongering can be further proof that there is very little humans can do at a time like this. One more point in the perhaps-this-is-best-left-in-the-hands-of-a-higher-power column. But is that all rational people can do?
Now, this is not exactly scientific, but most people I know fall somewhere on the above spectrum. Those on each end of the spectrum do plenty to make themselves stand out. They are so good at drowning everything else out that sometimes it seems like theirs are the only opinions out there.
But the vast majority of us are rational and decent people. We want to live fulfilling lives and make time for what matters. We want to laugh with our friends and spend time with our loved ones. We want to binge-watch Jessica Jones (how good is David Tennant in that show?!) and momentarily forget what is out there in the world: the crazies.
What the rational people sometimes forget is that they are probably the only ones who could do something to bring some sanity back into our general discourse. And it all starts with one, and perhaps overly simple, step: resolve to give a fuck.
The most important point I’m trying to make here is that sometimes prayer alone might not do what we can clearly see needs to be done. Prayer and action must go hand in hand. I can’t emphasize this enough.
Let me further illustrate my point by sharing a more practical example about something that most of us love to do: order pizza.
When life gets overwhelming, we can by all means pray. But when we are ready, we must also do something about it. We must take action. No matter how little and insignificant it may seem, it is these little actions that have the potential to come together and have an impact.
This would generally be the perfect time to share one of those a-journey-of-a-thousand-miles-begins-with-a-single-step kind of motivational quotes, but you’ve heard all those already. You’ve heard them so many times and used by so many people that you’ve almost stopped believing in them. Me, too.
But we must start somewhere. And this is as good a place as any. Now is as good a time as any.
So you want to take action, but what exactly can you do? To the rational people, taking action to counter the crazies seems like a thankless task, which it often is.
You respond to one racist Facebook post from your old high school acquaintance, and it quickly devolves into a slugfest of sharing articles with questionable origins (that neither one reads), name calling, Hitler references and random passersby posting “I’m just here for the comments” images.
But there is a way to counter the hate without overtly engaging the crazies. We need to accept that no amount of rational arguments or well-cited articles will help change someone’s mind online. That one is indeed best left in the hands of a higher power.
The answer is not to fight. The answer is not to engage the crazies in debate or convince them to be less crazy. The answer is kindness.
What if we were able to flood our social media feeds with love and kindness? Kindness for those who feel marginalized during such times. Kindness for those who might not feel welcome in this country because of what they read online or see on their televisions. Kindness for those who have centuries of systemic oppression working against them. Kindness for those looking to give their children better opportunities than they ever had. Kindness for those who just want to feel as human as the rest of us. Kindness is the answer.
It is important to keep in mind that this is not one of those hippie all-you-need-is-love kind of things. We obviously need a lot more than love to make this world a better place. It may seem like a gross oversimplification, but love and kindness are the crucial first steps to a long process. Making people around us feel respected—and, as a result, more human—goes a long way.
It is easy to be kind when things are hunky dory, but it is kindness during times like these is what matters. Ending the cycle of hate when it matters the most is what can truly help make the world just a bit more rational.
And so I ask you to join me. No, I implore you to join me. Rather than ranting to your friends or throwing up your hands and giving up or calling someone’s mom a whore on Facebook, pitch in with some kindness. Flood social media with words of support directed at and to those who are being silenced. Change the discourse and write a new story about those who are often voiceless. These small but meaningful things collectively matter.
If you liked anything at all about this piece, please share it with others. And, more importantly, share your own ideas for how we can promote and express more kindness. Get in touch!
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